u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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