Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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