I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
