I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no you cant smoke seaweed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
