I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
