We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could fuck to npr.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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