How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
