Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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