Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
