It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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