I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
