The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
