I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
