you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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