He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
