We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
