Me. At least after what I've been through.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
