I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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