i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
