I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
