the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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