i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize