Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
