she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
