Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
