it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
