Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
