Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
