6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
