Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
