the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
