I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
