you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
only you would photoshop your dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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