the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
