Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
