Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just shotgunned beers for America
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
