Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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