HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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