ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
