Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
