so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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