Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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