Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
