i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
