How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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