and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
