Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
