Don't make out with my wife yet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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