I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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