Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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