Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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