cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present