I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?