"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.