I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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