Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend