Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.

Fav 4 1252 1280
share tweet
(507): View more from Minnesota

Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends

Fav 12 1399 1857
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....

Fav 11 3251 701
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.

Fav 11 3566 881
share tweet
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

Fav 14 3541 1164
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

Fav 16 1604 3871
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(414): View more from Wisconsin

He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.

Fav 12 4274 1292
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(214): View more from Texas

I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.

Fav 6 1699 655
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(336): View more from North Carolina

So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.

Fav 3 554 433
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT