i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
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I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.