You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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