Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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