Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
