Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize