Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
