No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
