I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
