I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
