dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
