I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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