Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
