Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes