we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.