One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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