why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.