Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues