Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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