please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
