Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
PANTIES FOUND
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
