You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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