rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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