If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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