Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
